Naked People and Bears.

So you know its going to be a fun day when you receive a call about a naked guy jacking off 4.5 minutes from your house. Yup, that's what happened to me today. Then 6-7ish officers proceeded to try and catch naked guy and get him to put some clothes on and get a girlfriend or something. Yea...he's still at large.....my doors are locked and I'm going over to Daddy's later to pick up the shotgun. 

New call. Neighbor gets in fight with other neighbor about neighbor b playing loud music at 4am, neighbor a and neighbor b begin to fight and fall down stairs, neighbor b is naked. So clothed and pissed neighbor rolls down stairs and fights with another naked man[clearly these were men women just do not fight other naked women unless there is a man invovled] what a great day in Gotham.

BOLO[be on lookout for] Bear in ******area....use caution and if located do not feed the bear. Yea. That really happened and yea it had the part about feeding the bear in it.

Foot Pursuits. Gotta love 'em. Love them even more when the officer keys up on his radio to say "subject in custody" and doesn't let go of the button before yelling "don't freaking move!".

Me: District 6 did you want me to leave you on this call or free you and mark you at your current location?

District 6: 10-4

...........i mean really????

Parental Discretion Is Advised.

Now, let me start this by saying, I have just 2 days ago vowed to stop cursing. I will fail at that task for this blog: [there will be lots of offensive language so either love it, don't read it, or get the hell over it :) ]

Caller: OMG OMG OMG GET THE POOLICE OVER HERE  MIKE IS BEATING THE FUCK OUT SHANAYNAY

Dispatcher: Ok ma'mm what is the address?

Caller: It's over here at *insert location* HURRY UP JUST GET THA POOLICE OUT HERE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Dispatcher: Ok ma'mm what apt?

Caller: I mean I dunno shiiiit. JUST GET THE POOLICE OVA HERE FUCK HURRY UP I MEAN SHIT

Dispatcher: Ma'mm I need to know the apt number, does he have any weapons?

Caller: I DONT KNOW, SHIIIIT FUCK HE IS BEATING HER ASS I TOLD YOU SHIIIIT

Dispatcher: Ma'mm can you see them?

Caller: SHIIIT FUCKKK JUST GET THEM OUT HERE

Dispatcher: Ma'mm I can do two things at once, they are coming I need to know the apt and I need to know if he has any weapons.

Caller: SHHIIIIIT I DON'T KNOW! JUST GET THEM OUT HERE FUCCCKK

[this continues for several moments, we'll fast-forward to the good part, also I am paraphrasing but this is really how this woman was talking, and this next part is a direct quote]

 

Dispatch: Ok ma'mm I need you to answer my questions, is she going to need rescue?

Caller:We'll what am I calling you for? SHIIIIT FUCKKK *best part* I THOUGHT YOU WAS A 911 LADY?? SHIIIII FUCKKKK

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself, I love my job....

I do love my job. Sometimes however, I need to be reminded of that fact. I am over worked and underpaid, story of America I know. Ya know who else is over worked and underpaid? The officers. Guess out of the two of us who gets more cranky in the run of a shift... You guessed it, the officers. I mean I don't entirely blame them, it's bad enough talking to these people on the phone, they do have to deal with them face to face, however, for the record: they get away with saying a lot of the things I'd like to say to them but can't, because I'm on a taped line. I always try to be nice, I really do, but there are times when I am pushed to my limits. 

Example #1

For some reason recently we have had a lot of "cluster" type situations. The other night we had someone call about a runaway, supposedly the girl was at a particular location with another juvi female who was driving illegally, then we have a separate call about the illegally driving female from someone else who I guess didn't know about the runaway situation. So as both these calls are holding to be sent to officers because we are all kinds of busy and there are no officers to take them, we get yet another call in the same area about a disorder with a man beating a car with some sort of pipe or something. Turns out its related too, I don't remember the exact details but I think it basically boiled down to daddy getting pissed at little miss runaway thinking she can do whatever she wants and he caught her at a local gas station. Now, this is already confusing as bejesus because we have three separate calls and on the disorder we have multiple callers, none of whom want to talk to police and one of whom, turns out to be little miss runaway herself. 

Enter Officer A. [I'd like to use other nicknames here but I won't :) ] Officer A rolls up on scene along with about 3 other officers and begins to try and sort out said mess. 

Officer A: Where is my complainant? 

[aka person who is going to tell me what happened and why they called 911, and they don't have to talk to the pd so they don't always have one]

Now I didn't take any of these calls so as he is asking me this I am asking the call takers

Me: We only had one female who wanted to talk to the police and she was supposed to approach you [she had seen pd pulling up, told the call taker she would approach them and hung up]

Officer A: What's her name

Me: We don't have it

Officer A: Can you call her back we don't see her

Me:10-4

::call taker calls number back, gets male on the phone, as a side note I believe this was the older male little miss runaway had been doing goodness knows what with and perhaps why daddy was so mad.....anyway, male says that the female is already talking to police, call taker hangs up::

Me: Officer A, We just called back and apparently you are out with the right subject.

Officer A says THE dreaded words: go to 2

::I go to channel 2 which btw, is the place the officers make you go when they are about to ruin your life::

Me: Go ahead on 2

Officer A: **who by the way is now starting with an irritated tone as tho I am an idiot there only to ruin his life**  We are not out with any female

Me: Standby, that's what the caller told us.

::call taker calls back again and male tells us again, no no she really is talking to the police::

I take large breath and attempt to remain calm

Me: Officer A, they are advising again that she is talking to an officer.

Officer A: *smartass tone* Can you find out where she is and who she is talking to because none of us are talking to her.

::Meanwhile the call taker, genius that he is, asks the male to hand the phone to the officer. Officer B advises he is indeed out at the same location as Officer A, talking to the female::

Me: Officer A, Officer B is out with the subject now.

Officer A: No, *again with the smartass tone* Officer B is standing right next to me and we are not talking to a female.

::At this point call taker has to take over speaking to the Officer because I might lose my job if I have to any longer::

Call taker: I just spoke with Officer B on the phone, he is out with the female

Officer A: No Officer B is right here with me.

FINALLY, right about at this point Officer A stops ruining my life long enough to realize that the female caller was little miss runaway and they have had her the whole time. Now I really do not blame Officer A, it was a giant mess and extremely annoying but reallllly??? These are the situations that remind me I should make more money. I felt like I was in a bad episode of Reno 911.

Example #2

[this story will also be called cluster #2]

3 separate calls, 2 at the same apt complex, diff buildings, one in the same area at a diff complex. all disorders if I remember correctly.

Officers on scene at 2 of the calls, one at each apt complex. Officer C running one call. Now let me preface this by saying Officer C's radio sucks. I have no idea what he had done to it that night but it basically sounded like he was talking to us from Baghdad.  Ok, so that information in mind, here we go:

Dispatch: Are the two calls that are in the same complex going to be related? 

Officer C: [from Baghdad] 10-4 all the calls over here are going to be related.

Dispatch: Even the one at the other complex?

Officer C: 10-4 all the calls on the North Side are going to be related.

Officer D: Officer C I think I got something over here at this other complex....are you sure it's all related?

Officer C: All the NS calls are related.

Officer E: Yea it's going to be related

Officer D: I don't think it's related, what do ya'll have?

Officer E: Its related.

Ok, so that last part is a little paraphrased because at this point in the night I was incapable of even listening anymore unless someone was foot pursuit or something important, it had seriously been a ridiculous evening, annnnnd I was hormonal so I was basically done. The point is the cluster of officers begin to totally confuse themselves and us about what was and was not related till everyone was so confused it just became comedy. Turns out calls 1 and 2 were, but 3 was separate. Commence hair pulling. So it gets figured all out and I get to go to a different board and not talk to the popo anymore. Until Officer C calls in on the phone! Haha I just have to share this part because it completely cracked me up. Officer C calls because apparently the dispatchers that have gone up to the police board do not understand radio traffic from Baghdad and have told him his radio is useless. Officer C proceeds to apologize for all the confusion and tell me the quote of the evening "Yea, I've been screaming into my radio like a little girl but I guess you guys couldn't hear me" nope Officer C, we could not. Lol. It's about this time I stop wanting to pull my hair out and just laugh at the mess for a while. I love my job. :)

Earthquake.

It's Sat night. It's been fairly busy, what with the fair in town and the citizens trying to kill each other every three seconds down there until the cavalry rolls in a pepper sprays their silly selves....and each other...but anyway, I have other things to be worrying about since I am planning on pulling an all nighter and going to a graduation right after work. At 4am, I have just gotten back from my break and am about to start trying to make myself look acceptable, break out the mirror and walk to the kitchen to wash my hands before I start messing with my face. As I am about halfway thru the room, I here a rumble, and immediately dismiss it, mainly because I am obliviously going thru a checklist of things I need to do before 0630 in my head. Another dispatcher says "what was that?", I say "nothing" and walk to the kitchen.

Theeeeen the phones ring. alot. I poke my head out of the kitchen and notice the computer screens are littered with calls....at 4:09 in the morning.....weird. Turns out "nothing" is actually a 3.0 earthquake and citizens from alllll over the area are calling FREAKING out. I mean psssh, it's just an earthquake, not the end of the world. So I spend the next 30 minutes not really knowing what was going on, along with the rest of the world, telling citizens we are trying to figure out what happened and that the police are investigating. [by investigating I mean sitting in their cars being as clueless as everyone else :) ] I get calls from one of our fire marshalls, a couple sgts, another jurisdictions dispatcher, basically everyone. It was just back to back to back calls in which I could do nothing but tell ppl we thought it was an earthquake but couldn't confirm. Then we finally get confirmation and can start telling people that's what it was. At that point my greeting became something similar to: "Gotham City 911, did you feel your house shake? Yea, ok we had an earthquake, you can go back to sleep :)", about that point the mirror came back out and I went on about my day as I told people it wasn't a bomb, or someone trying to break in, or a car hitting their house, or whatever other crazy idea they had in their minds. this lasted about an hour and was pretty darn entertaining actually. Apparently that's what happens when an earthquake hits. Glad I got that one under my belt! 

Now I come back to work 2 days later and it's back to business as usual, and one of the things the officers had gone over in lineup was a stolen vehicle that had been taken a few days previous, and one officer on our shift was bound and determined to find it. Oh don't worry, he found it....2 houses down from where it was stolen from.....and the guy who stole it was chillin in the house it was in front of....REALLY??? I mean c'mon people. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Try and make it a liiittle harder for the officers to catch you. Let's work on putting some effort in our not getting thrown into jail tactics next time. We also had a very interesting foot pursuit, our officers had a request from a neighboring jurisdiction to check an addy for a wanted subject and they went out to the address, and seemed to be fairly certain the guy was in there so they surrounded the house and played around out there for about an hour and a half trying to get this guy to come out....Then they figure out he's not in there, he bolted somewhere in the woods and was hiding so they could not locate him. They gave up, left the scene and went on to other business. All of a sudden you hear one of our forensic guys key up on the radio.....whispering.....weird? yes. Does this usually mean some shit is about to pop off? Si senorita. Next thing you know.... FOOT PURSUIT! Yup there it goes. Home dude runs out of the woods and right into the officers sight, and it's on. He catches him, suspect gets pepper sprayed somewhere in the mix and then gets carted off to jail. Good day for the officer, Bad day for suspect. Just another weekend in the little city!

I love stupid criminals.

Phone rings at the wee hours of the morning. I feel like I'm being shot at by some sort of alien but that's a different blog, anyway, 911 line gets answered by my partner on the fire board, I'm only vaguely paying attention at this point since I have no fire calls and no reason real reason to be conscious. 

 Then I hear a question come across the police radio. "Did you say the caller is the suspect?" "10-4". Ok. Now I have a reason to be awake. Turns out this GENIUS citizen got drunk, [shocking] beat some guy unconscious, [no way], and then decided that this unconscious guy on the floor was his "best friend"......yeaaaaaaa. Clearly ya'll are tight. Then after telling my partner the "best friend" is unconscious and being all kinds of upset about it he proceeds to tell her that he looks like he might be getting up and if he does he's going to "knock him out again, I swear I will!!" 

   Sometimes I seriously wonder how these people remember to breathe in and out.