Ride Along.

I've done several ride alongs now since I have started dispatching, two with tweedle dee and this last one with a female officer that works on the opposite shift from tweedle dee and tweedle dumb and is currently on days. Now there are a couple things I'd like to point out about this last ride along that might not readily occur to you: for some reason most people seem to think day shift would be better; Ladies and Gentlemen I am here to to tell you it is not. There are some officers and dispatchers that I know would disagree with me here but I really cannot fathom why I would EVER make a voluntary decision to be on day shift. First of all, it is fkn hot outside during the day in the summer. I was seriously melting out there, it was humid and nasty, I was sweating my face off and when you are getting in and out of the car every two minutes to stand outside and talk to morons about car keys, you never stay in the "air conditioning" of the patrol car long enough to cool off. And that's just me in civilian clothes, the poor officers in those horrrrrible bullet proof vests and the rest of the uniform have to be near dying. Now on top of that I feel as though the level of bullshit to be dealt with in the course of a regular day is a lot higher than a regular night. I mean you've got all sorts of brass listening to the radio, there to hear you if you slip up and say something funny or what have you, not to mention everyone in the city is awake and wants to call the police for EVERYTHING. I feel like at least some of the bullshit subsides at night when some of the citizens [aka the ones with jobs] go to bed. Then you get to deal with the hoodlums of the city who at least usually keep things interesting by doing illegal things that you actually want to arrest them for as opposed to the public service calls, the kids not listening to parents, the info calls, the general useless waste of time kinda calls. So in keeping with the theme, allow me to tell you a story:

The female officer and I roll up on scene and the tweedle dumb of her shift is already on scene, [I lovingly call this one funfetti, but he def has similarities to tweedle dumb I introduced ya'll to last post! haha but I love them both!] he's there with another officer I'll call Mom, since he's the mommy of the zone...really just the mommy for Funfetti because someone has to look after him, thank goodness Mom is there, he even carries an extra key of Funfetti's for him in case he loses his...or locks it in his car since apparently there has already been an incident with that lol. Anyway, guess what our call is about?? KEYS! Apparently these upstanding citizens we went to visit didn't have a mommy to keep a spare key for them and that led to some serious problems in their lives! Mommy and Funfetti inform us upon our arrival that the gentleman who is standing before us in oversized basketball jersey and matching nikes seems to be missing his keys...hmmmm what a terrible travesty.... and naturally since he is missing his keys he assumes the female, who is standing at a vehicle next to him, has taken them. So what do we do when we are grown adults and our keys are missing and we think our girlfriend took them? We take her keys and "dispose" of them, obviously! The answer was very clear to this man and that is exactly what he did. So here we are...3 officers and one dispatcher in a pink polo standing there watching these two winners of Gotham society whine at each other about keys with their peanut gallery sitting on the porch cheering them on. Now about this time Superwoman, which is what I'm going to call the female officer because that's what she has to be in order to deal with the other officers in her zone [haha jk lovvvve ya'll ;)] annnnd these upstanding citizens, asks Mr. Genius where the keys are. Conversation as follows:

"Where are the keys?"

"They ain't here"

"Right but where are they?"

"They ain't here"

"Okay, but where are they?"

"They ain't here"

About this point I seriously consider punching this dude in the throat just for being so fking annoying. Superwoman I suppose is more tolerant of irritating men, being as she is a female officer, and decides to just stop bothering to ask him. The story gets even better when Superwoman, in her all knowing ways, says do either of you even have a license? No, no. Of course not. You don't need one of those to drive in Gotham City do you?? C'MON people! This shit is completely absurd. Needless to say there's nothing the police can/want to do for you when you are that stupid and want to bicker like children over car keys. I spent that particular 20 minutes baking in the sun and poor little Funfetti had to stand out there too with his hair gel melting down his face for absolutely. NO. reason. This my friends is why I appreciate my bat cave aka dispatch with it's climate controlled environment.